id be glad to
I faked an abortion last night.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my poor anus
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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