nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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