Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.