why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
