She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
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Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."