I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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