You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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