I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This house was built for laser tag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
