I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
