Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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