You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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