I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
