Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
