My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
