my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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