So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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