yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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