Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
