I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
