oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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