Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
