just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
