final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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