2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize