My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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