Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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