The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
