I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
40s are totally the cure
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
how drunk are you?
Several
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
