Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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