party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
