He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.