why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
