Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.