it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is wine microwaveable?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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