Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
