He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
