Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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