OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
