Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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