Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
