I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ambien. No doubt about it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Randomize
