he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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