I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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