Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
