Barsexuality is the new black.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
