You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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