Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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