last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
