I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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