so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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