is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
