I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
