There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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