I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I deserve this hangover.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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