His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
