Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
