Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
