you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
