and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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