You made me cry and you don't even care
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
