We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
