Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
