i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
