This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
