no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
