Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
