Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
