He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
