I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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