If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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