He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
