The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
