For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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