i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
operation have a gay friend backfired
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
