hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
