I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
