i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
